MOUNTAIN BROOK, AL — Sisters, we need to talk about the pumpkin situation. As many of you know, Mountain Brook is in the grip of a city-wide pumpkin shortage, and Capstone has been hit the hardest.
Here’s what happened. Every fall, all five elementary schools in our district take their third graders to Abounding Acres, the pumpkin patch and family fun farm owned by our very own Vice Principal, Mr. Harry Segewick. This year, Cappa Cappa strategically chose the very last date on the calendar, for peak foliage and the best possible light for the class photo. When our buses pulled in Tuesday, the patch had been, in Blakely’s words, “absolutely looted.”
We have reason to believe at least two rival PTOs went early and took more than their share. We won’t name names. We will only say that one of them rhymes with Smedmont, and the other arrived in a bus that said “Braves” on the side, and that bus seemed heavy on the way out.
Mr. Segewick has been so helpful. “There’s not a shortage,” he told us, holding a coffee mug that said FEED STORE. “Y’all just came last. Every school gets the same patch. First come, first served. It’s October.” We have asked him to put that in writing, on letterhead, for our records.
Becca, who chaperoned, mentioned that Southwest Elementary booked the first date back in August and dropped their extra pumpkins off at Charles Linn on the way home. Kinsley asked if Southwest was “the new Pilates place by the Publix.” Margaux asked if it was private. We’ve added “Southwest?” to the next agenda.
The good news is that our third graders had, by every account, the best day of their lives. They rode the hayride four times, fed a goat named Doug, and picked out small, bumpy, slightly green pumpkins that one student described as having “a lot of personality, like Doug.” Several asked if Doug could come to school. Mr. Segewick said he would think about it. We have formed a committee to make sure he doesn’t.
And to put everyone’s minds at ease: our 400 Napa pumpkins are safe, painted oat, and behind the velvet rope where they belong. They were never for children.
Now, on to the fun! Fall at Capstone is officially in full swing. Here is everything happening, followed by every pumpkin project currently underway. Please read all of it. There will be a quiz at coffee.
Fall Happenings
- Oct 3 — Mandatory Casual Coffee, Fall Edition. Cream knits only. Pre-approved looks were sent Thursday. If you did not receive them, that is information.
- Oct 9 — Fall Festival Planning Meeting #11. We will be re-deciding everything from Meeting #10, which re-decided Meeting #9.
- Oct 11 — Cub Scouting Combine. New this year: the Pumpkin Toss. Chad has asked that it be timed.
- Oct 17 — Cougar Chase 5K. Coach Tyler’s costume will be “Shirtless Pumpkin Farmer.” Coach Tyler has not agreed to this.
- Oct 24 — Fall Festival. Hay bales will be steam-cleaned. Mr. Segewick has offered real hay from his farm, for free. We are reviewing the hay.
- Oct 30 — The Cougar Crawl. A pumpkin spice flight at every patio. No one has ever finished the passport. This could be the year.
- Oct 31 — Halloween Parade. This year’s costume theme is Neutral. Children may be any character, as long as the character is in Oat.
- Nov 8 — Cougars on the Prowl Gala. Le Gym. Black tie, red lipstick. Pre-bids on the Coach Tyler pickleball clinic are already at $9,000.
- Nov 14 — Book Fair. Books displayed by spine color, bookended by pumpkins (see below).
Pumpkin Projects (Current as of This Morning)
- The Pumpkin Spine Library. For the Book Fair, every shelf will be bookended by a mini pumpkin painted to match the spines. The books are arranged by color. The pumpkins are arranged by mood.
- The Monogrammed Pumpkin Walk. Three hundred pumpkins lining the carpool lane, each monogrammed with a family’s initials. Heritage Lane will receive one lovely pumpkin (unmonogrammed, for simplicity).
- The Pumpkin Balloon Arch. A balloon arch, but with pumpkins zip-tied into it. A structural engineer has been consulted. He has asked us to stop calling him, so we’ve started texting.
- Teachers’ Lounge Pumpkin Refresh. A pumpkin on every surface. The teachers asked for paper towels, and we heard them! There is now a beautiful pumpkin right where the paper towels used to be.
- Pumpkin Name Plates. Hollowed-out mini pumpkins with each teacher’s name in gold leaf, replacing the monogrammed acrylic name plates we installed last month. Several teachers asked what was wrong with the acrylic ones. Nothing! That’s the point.
- The Pumpkin Charcuterie Vessel. A hollowed Napa pumpkin filled with imported cheeses, for the Mandatory Casual Coffee. Children are welcome to admire it from a respectful distance.
- Margaux’s Pumpkin Sound Bath. Forty pumpkins, hollowed for resonance. Please do not eat the seeds. They have been charged under the full moon.
- Chad’s Pumpkin WOD. Pumpkin squat cleans in the carpool lane, 6 a.m., using 40-pound pumpkins. The valet will park around him. He has asked that it be timed. We’ll be there.
- Bryce’s Pumpkin Farmer Carry. You carry your child and a pumpkin around the Fall Festival for time. Bryce has asked us to mention his protein. Consider it mentioned.
- The Pumpkin Portrait Wall. Professional headshots of each Napa pumpkin, framed in the front hall, with names. Kinsley named them.
- Pumpkin Enzyme Facial Bar. Made fresh from the pulp. For the committee, in the library, during reading time, when it’s nice and quiet.
- Gilded Gala Centerpieces. Mini Napa pumpkins dipped in gold leaf for every table at Le Gym. Budget: yes.
- Room Mom Pumpkin Debate. The fifth runoff will feature a pumpkin-decorating round, in which each candidate decorates a pumpkin as her platform. The Grammas will judge. The Grammas will also vote.
- Pumpkin Diplomacy. A basket of our finest pumpkins for the Redmont PTO, hand-delivered by Sloane, with a card that says “No hard feelings 🎃.” There are hard feelings. Badlands will not be receiving a basket. They know what they did.
- Green Pumpkin Rehoming. The third graders’ green pumpkins from Abounding Acres have been quietly collected to be repainted oat. The children have noticed, and several have asked for their pumpkins back, which is honestly so sweet. We are reviewing it.
UPDATE: Mr. Segewick has offered to bring a truckload of pumpkins from his back field to the school, free of charge, this Friday. We are so grateful. We have asked whether they come in oat.